CW: Mania, psychosis mentions, kink references

Technically, you didn’t read the whole book.

$@!# off, Savannah.

You’re not allowed to swear.

I am in writing.

Is this writing?


At least, I think it is.

You’re blurry, Ellen Anders.

And you’re still Savannah.


You’ve reached the center of the maze, Dolores. Congratulations.

Oh. Oh /fuck you/.

What does it say that you have such an antagonistic relationship with your own daemon?

What does it say that you only talk to me once every five years?

That we have good enough communication to let things go unsaid between us.

Damn straight.

So why are you here? In this writing?

To prevent you from dunking yourself into the abyss.

What if I /want/ to dunk myself into the abyss?

Oh, I’m sure you do.

Is, that all you’re going to leave me with?

Not really, that’s all you want me to leave you with. Otherwise you’d ask more questions.

I swear to God if you start copying syntax.

I’m not copying syntax, I’m echoing how you think of myself.

I know that, and I hate it.

I know you do.

Am I manic? Alexandria gets manic. I don’t get manic.

I don’t think you’re manic. I think you’ve reached the center of the maze. Like I said.


Technically I’m not done, you’re right. There’s another section on Makyo’s dad. And I’m not reading that because thank fuck the only parts of that book that didn’t threaten to plunge me into the freezing waters of a psychotic break were the sections about her dad. And you know, I’m afraid if I read that part something will be familiar and I’ll go headfirst into the waters.

Which is awfully ironic.

…You said I’m blurry. How blurry? Blurry how?

A mess of rosettes and white fur.

That’s a snow leopard. Oh wait, white fur.

Am I blurry with Alexandria?

You’re blurry with yourself, dear.

Shoot. I am blurry with myself. For the record though my fur is-

Grey, blue, black, purple, white

Yes, that’s, a way of putting it.

Fuck. What have I done?

Reached the center of the maze.

You keep saying it and I keep hating it.

What do you hate about it?

You know what I hate about it.

Say it out loud, dig deeper.

Drop the ally act, then.

See the thing is though I’m not acting. You’re just now talking to me.

And I can stop talking.

But you’re not going to.

No. I’m not.


Shouldn’t have said that one out loud.

No. My fur still stings.

Why did she send me that goddamn book?

Because she knew it would help you.

Help me or harm me?

You can-I can ask her.

While we wait, are you having another “Decrypting Rita” moment? Because if so, I’ll let coyote boyfriend know to get the crash cart.

There’s a pandemic, and fuck you.

You usually only swear this much at Savannah, I’m flattered.

Oh, she is roasting you.

She is roasting me.

I don’t think that-

I don’t think that-

The terribleness of being seen.

Shove it, Victoria.

For the record, the next message is “Well, at least, sometimes.”

But it’s spookier to leave it like this. Oh my god. What I have done to myself?

Flew too close to the sun again.

I gotta quit doing that.

She/They, NAS TSEng, UW Foster Alumna. Enby Femme 🦊 Shapeshifter — Trans — Feminist — Survivor. Opinions mine alone. 💜 Alpha, @lizthegrey, & more! Av @hibbary

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